Out, Out Brief Candle
by hochmodel
Summary: "She wanted it. She was on a suicide mission. She wanted it. She needed to feel numb, again. She needed to be dead, again. Even better if physically." Calhoun has had enough trouble- an abusive drunk for a father, a passive invisible mother, and a murdered fiance. Unfortunately, the pain doesn't stop there. I do not own the characters.


She wanted it. She was on a suicide mission. She wanted it. She needed to feel numb, again. She needed to be dead, again. Even better if physically.

Everything was weighing too heavily on her heart. Felix fixed her- her empty love, her abusive father, her dead mother.

But her father's suicide was one thing he couldn't fix.

She will never forget the moment she had found that her father overdosed, leaving a note with the simple, cryptic words:

"Out, out brief candle."

This simply wasn't possible. Did God hate her or something? How could anyone bear such pain and expect to even _survive? _Not even just die eventually but have his or her heart explode from the sheer amount of sadness.

"_Is this Tamora Fix-it's house?" The security guard asked the short man who opened the door._

"_Did she get into another fight?" His thick southern drawl leveling in annoyance. Honestly, he loved his wife more than anything, but sometimes she could really give him cause for headache. The security guard's eyebrow rose, but he shook his head. _

"_No. It has to do with her father." Felix's eyes widened, and he called for her._

"_Come in, come in."The security guard lounged on the couch, juxtaposing the news he was about to deliver. _

"_What's the ruckus?" A tall blonde woman entered the room in a t-shirt and sweats. _

"_It has to do with your father, sweetie." Felix stated softly. Her eyes widened, and she promptly sat in the chair opposite of the guard. _

"_What is this all about?" She demanded. _

"_Here." The guard gave her the small card with the Shakespearean quote. _

"_What the Hell is this supposed to mean?!" Tamora rampaged, as Felix comfortingly put his arm around her shoulder._

"_We found your father lying face down on his bed, having overdosed on pain medication and alcohol. He has a history of suicidal attempts, is that correct?" Felix's blood chilled when she responded yes. "Well...we believe he finally succeeded." _

"_So, any information about a funeral?" She asked, completely monotone. All fire and passion were gone from her voice and her eyes. _

"_That's the thing...your family doesn't want you at the funeral."Her eyebrow rose in confusion. "They...blame you for his death. You and Felix." She nodded. _

"_Understood." The atmosphere became chilly. _

"_Well, I guess I'll be going." The security guard left through the door, leaving Calhoun as still as a statue. _

"_Oh, baby I'm so sorry." Felix said, attempting to comfort her. She quickly got off the couch, accidentally making him fall._

"_Say another word and I castrate you." He shrunk back while she grabber her gun and left through the front door, slamming it on the way out._

"_Jiminy jaminy, how much can she take?" she heard him mutter._

Now here she was, unprotected, only mantling a gun and her sorrow against an entire cage of cybugs.

This was her release. This was her freedom.

It was the only way to escape the pain.

Her father beat her and her mother for her entire childhood. He claimed to hate her and that she ruined his life. He was an alcoholic, and every time she caught him drinking, she could foresee the result- another slap, kick, punch, verbal assault, among other things. Her mother was such a weakling, pretending that Tamora never existed, getting lost in her own war game. She showed some semblance of strength and affection at times, but most of the time she was simply invisible.

Tamora joined the marines to prove that she was worth something. To prove, both to herself and to her parents, that she could handle and _protect _herself just fine.

When she met Brad, life completely turned around. He was sweet, charming, and all around perfect. He never knew of her past, though; but he loved her for being her cold, demanding, strong self. And her one slip-up caused him to die. She lost the one thing she loved most. She had proven her father right. She really was better off dead. She really was worthless.

When she met Felix, she never planned on him finding out about her history, either. Yet, one day, the facade of the forgotten memories came crashing down when she got an envelope. Her father was coming to visit. He showed up drunk, of course. He verbally assaulted her in front of her husband, and practically screamed at her that her mother had died. Funny, she wasn't invited to that funeral, either. When she went into Hero's Duty to blow off steam, she unwittingly confessed her past to Felix, infuriating him with her father. That following evening, her father lost it on her again, and Felix had come to her rescue. She couldn't hide anymore. Her past was out in the open.

No more pain.

Then this happens.

She knew she was to blame. It was her fault. She couldn't be a better daughter? A better companion? She could have never have been born and then he wouldn't have had to leave his job and get unplugged. Why was she even here?

Tamora reached for the lock, just about to tear it off, sealing her fate.

Her family had always been in denial. She was told that it was _normal _to be in the hospital for days because of injuries. That it was _normal _to see your father piss drunk and passed out on the couch each day. That it was _normal _to have so much pent up hatred and yet so much love for the people who brought you into the world, and that it was_ normal _the other way around. Her extended family just pretended not to see it.

None of that was normal!

And now...as much as she hated him for what he did to her, how he hurt her...he was still her father. And she _loved _him.

She stopped reaching for the lock, and decided to shoot at it, instead.

BANG! The shot woke up the cybugs, but fortunately, or unfortunately, given your take on the situation, the lock was intact.

She aimed for it again.

"TAMMY!"

Tamora fell onto the ground with her husband on top of her, a shocked and worried look on his face. "Don't do it, Tammy. Don't do it." He cried, is emotions overflowing in his eyes. She was completely silent. "Your worth more than this."

"It won't ever get better, will it, Fix-it?" Felix, as she had come to find out, lost his mother merely weeks after being born, and he and his sister mostly grew up without their father, as well.

"What won't ever get better?"

"The pain."

He pulled her into a massive hug, and she sobbed. "Why did he have to drink!? Why did he put himself and all of us through this!?"

"...I couldn't tell you. I don't think he could have, either." Felix answered softly.

"I can't keep doing this, Fix-it."

"...I know." He pulled away to look into her eyes. "We'll set you up with an appointment with Dr. Mario."

"I'm not going to therapy." He looked at her with tired eyes, pleading with her to get the message: _If you didn't need it, then why are you doing this?_

"I can come with you, if your scared. Or you can go alone...I just want you safe and happy."

She smiled as the tears poured down her eyes. "Your the first one I've allowed to see through it all, Fix-it."

"No ma'am." He replied in exhaustion but relief to know that she was complying. "I'm just the one who simply fell into your life, and made a promise to fix you."


End file.
